Black Friday is the most important shopping day of the year, but it isn’t for amateurs. If you’re a casual shopper, please stay home, because Black Friday shoppers mean business. When there are limited quantities, long lines, and early store openings, there is no margin for error.
Expert shoppers are smart enough to leave behind anything that will slow them down. Bulky purses, uncomfortable shoes, and kids are all things that need to be sacrificed if you want to get the best deal. If you’ve had the insane thought that you should bring your kids along for Black Friday, these photos will change your mind.
The Tasmanian Devil Made An Appearance In The Apple Store
We’ve seen kids do a lot of things to stay entertained when shopping with their parents, but if anything, the Apple store is the easiest place to stay entertained. They have the iPads with kids games right there to keep them preoccupied.
Just imagine how bored they’ll get if they start shopping at 6 AM.
I Love Spending Half My Day Playing Hide And Seek
Clothing racks were invented for displaying items and harboring small children. They basically invite kids to hide in them and force their parents into a panic. The last thing you need when you’re shopping is being distracted by a missing child.
Then you’ll have to decide if you want to spend 20 minutes looking or page them over the store’s intercom.
Dead Weight Is Way Harder To Move From Cart To Cart
It’s a blessing and a curse when your kid falls asleep shopping. On the bright side, you can finally shop in peace and they won’t run away.
On the other hand, every time you go to a new store, you have to lift dead weight and pray they won’t wake up.
Keep reading to see the two types of kids you’ll find in Victoria’s Secret.
Kids Manage To Leave Their Mark Everywhere
Now it’s not just your cell phone, tablet, and laptop that is full of silly selfies from your kid. I’d estimate that it takes under two minutes for a kid to find the tablet section in a tech store.
It’s almost as if they have a sixth sense that can sniff out any front-facing camera.
It’s A Practice In Self Control
There’s two types of kids in Victoria’s Secret. This kid will do anything humanly possible to leave the store. He’s begged his mom to let him wait on the bench outside. He’s even offered to do extra chores just so he can wait in the hall.
Unfortunately for him, she’s not budging.
That’s Why You Always Wash Before You Wear
And there’s the other type of child in Victoria’s Secret. The one who insists on throwing piles of perfectly folded underwear in the air and stretching them until they rip.
As someone who used to work in a lingerie store, I can attest to the fact we much prefer the first type of child.
Be wary of letting children wander the toy aisle when shopping, or you’ll end up with the kid coming up.
IKEA Can Do That To The Best Of Us
In all honesty, this reaction to IKEA isn’t limited to children. This is basically anyone who has spent more than an hour in the Marketplace section and just realized there is a whole warehouse now that you have to search through.
Sometimes a mid-floor mental breakdown is necessary.
Every Sales Associate Hates You Right Now
People will say this is just lazy parenting, but while you’re sifting through a mountain of jeans to find your size, kids can wreck a lot of havoc.
Plus, this probably took him about 14 seconds to do. That’s less time than it takes to check a price tag.
If They Already Have It On, You’ll Probably Have To Buy It
Good luck getting that Iron Man mask off. The toy aisle seems like a good way to appease your child until they have four different toys in hand.
They are standing there daring you to take them away. They’ve been practicing their temper tantrums all week for this very moment.
“Mom, Mooom, Mommy, Look Mom, MOOOOM”
Do you really want to spend your entire shopping trip having to pretend like the thing your child is doing is entertaining?
It’s nice that they’re entertaining themselves so you can snag all the deals, but stopping every ten seconds to say “oh that’s nice honey” is time-consuming.
At Least You Have Two Extra Hands To Carry Bags
The one silver lining of bringing your kids along for the ride is that you have two more hands for carrying all your bags.
It’s probably a good idea for you to start making your kid weight-lift from a young age so they can be prepared for Black Friday and Boxing Day.
They Suddenly Become Genuises When It Doesn’t Matter
Ask your kid to build a simple volcano for a science fair, and it’s like they’ve lost every brain cell they have.
Leave a kid alone in Costco for two minutes, and they’ve figured out the password to your phone and engineered a straw for maximum user experience.
He Looks Terrified
You can teach your kid to go find security if they’re lost, but in the midst of the madness, they might just panic and revert to a primal state like this little boy.
Find the nearest adult (even if it’s an adult mannequin) and hope mom will come find you.
“Maybe If I Make It Super Messy, No One Will Notice Me”
Then there are the kids who love to get lost and don’t want to be found. They’ll go so far as to make a retail workers life awful by throwing every pair of pants on top of each other so they have a space to lay down and hide.
If only we could hide from the crowds too.
This Is What These Carts Are For, Right?
If you are forced to bring the little one along, then at least use them to their full advantage. If they missed bulking season and can’t carry bags yet, they can become the bag.
Now you can keep them in your sight and they can hold everything from food to clothing. I’d probably not risk putting a big screen TV in the stroller though.
You’ll Have To Drag Them To The Store Anyways
Even if your kid is the best behaved child on the planet, it doesn’t mean they won’t complain the entire shopping trip.
As soon as the boredom hits, you’ll have to literally drag them to wherever you want to go. No one has time for drama queens like this.
A Desperate Cry For Help
Have you ever seen a more desperate look on a child’s face? She is silently screaming through that store window.
This is harmless until that one ultra-concerned neighbor of yours walks by and judges you for being a “bad parent.” We’ve all been there, but it’s best to avoid judgment from Tracy by just leaving the kids at home.
He’s Moved Onto A Better Mom
Sorry, but after dragging him to the mall just so you could spend more money on yourself than on toys for him, he’s gone off and found a better mom. This one won’t tell him to clean up after himself or finish his broccoli.
Too bad this mannequin mommy can never love them like you do.
They Are Honestly Just Taking Up Room At This Point
Using kids as a cart is only convenient when it benefits you. At this point, they’re just taking up more room. How are you supposed to stock up for Thanksgiving dinner when you already have one turkey in your cart?
The cost-benefit analysis clearly shows that bringing your child shopping with you is not worth it.
More Dramatic Than A Renaissance Painting
The people who say women are the most dramatic have clearly never met a child between the age of 5 and 12.
It’s the age when they’ve finally started to pick up the concept of sarcasm. And, much to their parent’s dismay, they practice it 24/7. Even in shopping malls.