One of the best parts about Halloween is carving pumpkins into jack-o’-lanterns. You can carve fun, innocent things like Disney princesses or Minions into your pumpkin, but the real spirit of Halloween is about scaring people. When most of us think about spooky pumpkins, we think of ones with ghosts, goblins, or monsters carved into them, but how scary is that? We all know zombies don’t really exist, so there’s nothing to actually fear.
Luckily, some people out there have mastered Halloween and carved the scariest pumpkins imaginable. We’re talking about real-life horrors like your student loans or worse…the housing market. Check out how these creative pumpkin carvers managed to tap into our greatest fears.
It’s Always When You Need It The Most Too
Pumpkins that have vampires or zombies on it can be scary, but only for certain people. This jack-o’-lantern with 1% battery life is terrifying for every human on earth.
The worst part is that when your phone goes down to 1%, you never know if it’s only going to last 30 more seconds, or if it will magically hold out for another hour.
High School Seniors Are Shaking In Their Boots
The scariest time for GPAs to come out and haunt you is when college applications are due in your senior year. You have pressure from your parents, your teachers, and even your friends.
And even worse, you have to spend all of Thanksgiving dinner talking to your distant relatives about every school you applied to.
What’s The Point Of Having Data Coverage If Everything Takes Hours To Load?
You’ll never know frustration until you realize all the money you put towards your data coverage doesn’t matter because your provider is terrible.
I don’t know what I’d rather deal with: a phone that is eternally on 1% just waiting to shut off at any moment, or always having one bar of signal.
If you own a car, you’ll understand why the pumpkin coming up is even scarier than your brakes failing.
But What About Gas Prices?
It’s hard to decide which is worse. Houses obviously cost much more. Just seeing the price of a mortgage can make you cringe back in fear, but you don’t shop for homes often.
On the other hand, you have to watch with dread as those pesky gas prices rise each and every day.
Brunch Is Terrifying When You’re Lactose Intolerant
Have you ever tried to go out for brunch when you’re severely lactose intolerant? It’s honestly like navigating a minefield. You’re scanning the menu for any item without lactose, but you know it doesn’t exist.
At the end of the day, just pop that lactose pill and take a chance on that eggs Benedict.
Every Dad’s Greatest Fear
The check engine light isn’t a big deal in a dad’s vehicle because he’ll book an appointment at the dealership immediately.
It gets really scary when he sees the light on his daughter’s car, and she says, “Oh ya, that little thing has been flashing for months. Why? Is it a big deal or something?”
The next pumpkin will make the fans of 29 NBA teams shiver.
Lebron Is Hiding In The Corner Right Now
Experts say that sometimes, the best way to get over a fear is to expose yourself to it and face it head-on. Obviously, that’s the reason Lebron went to play for the Lakers.
Lebron knows that if he wants to get over his fear of Steph Curry, he has to face him before the finals.
It Was Scary Enough Without The Creepy Font
More than 60% of Americans who attend college end up with student loan debt, and that average debt is $37,000. As of 2018, that means there’s over 1.5 trillion dollars of student debt out in the world.
If those numbers aren’t enough to scare you, this person used the blood-dripping font just to send the message home.
Getting Ghosted On An Entirely New Level
Ghosting has taken on an entirely new, and equally scary, meaning in today’s day and age.
I honestly think I’d rather be haunted by a spooky ancestor for life than have to swallow my pride and double text someone. Just leave me on read and leave me alone.
Keep reading to see the number one problem facing suburban barbecues.
I Feel Personally Attacked
This jack-o’-lantern was definitely made by your 10-year-old cousin who never fails to say “why are you wearing the ugly mask?” when you’re not wearing anything.
Yes, my face is one of the scariest things out there on Halloween, but you didn’t need to bring it up. I do appreciate that they didn’t beat around the bush with their joke.
This Pumpkin Is Brighter Than My Future
This jack-o’-lantern isn’t very realistic. If the carver wanted to make it really scary, they would have the candle slowly burning out thanks to stress, an unhealthy diet, and lack of social life.
The only time the future is bright is when you’re a child and have the whole world at your finger-tips.
What Will White People Bring To Pot Lucks Now?
I know a lot of people who would go into full-scale panic mode if they ran out of hummus. I’m 90% sure one of my vegan friends survives solely off of hummus.
In fact, there’s a good chance that The Purge is actually based on what happened the first time we ran out of hummus.
New parents will totally get why the next pumpkin in scary beyond belief.
More Like A Jill-O’-lantern
Men will see this pumpkin “in labor,” laugh, then move on with their day without a care in the world.
Women see it and have agonizing flashbacks to their 18-hour birth. Yes, the result was totally worth it, but that doesn’t take away from all the pain.
It Feels Like Two Million Against One
I am willing to bet money that an overprotective parent with a teenager carved this pumpkin. Maybe they’re hoping that this jack-o’-lantern will scare them into using the appropriate contraception.
Sometimes taking sex-ed into your own hands means finding a creative way to get through to your kids.
They Must Have Started Carving This Years Ago
This Internet Explorer desktop icon might look like an ancient artifact to kids these days, but it’s still alive and kicking on grandma’s desktop computer.
She has got all the time in the world to wait for Bing to load. Unfortunately, the rest of us don’t, so kill it with Firefox.
Warning: Take My Halloween Candy And You’ll End Up Like Caesar
This jack-o’-lantern serves more as a warning for anyone approaching this household. If you touch the mini Kit-Kat bars, then there will be consequences.
Having your best friend stab you in the back might be a little excessive, but when Halloween candy is on the line, it’s the wild, wild west.
It Still Haunts Lehman Brothers’ Nightmares
The housing market crash may have taken down large banks like Lehman Brothers, but the worst effects were felt by everyday Americans.
Anyone whose life was changed forever by the 2008 housing bubble burst should all carve these pumpkins and leave them on the steps of all the big banks.
The Top Right Is Definitely The Scariest
You can dissect the family dynamics from these four pumpkins. Mom is definitely behind the top left pumpkin. It’s spooky, but not scary. The top right was also carved by mom, but for their five-year-old daughter. You can see dad’s attempt to scare every kid in the neighborhood on the bottom right.
And finally, the bottom left was done by the cynical college student who came home to visit and ended up carving the scariest pumpkin of them all.
The One Scary Pumpkin All Of America Can Agree On
People can argue whether or not America is more divided than ever or not, but we can agree that this pumpkin brings us all together.
It doesn’t matter who you voted for or how you feel about Clinton or Trump. What matters is that this pumpkin serves up flashbacks to 2016 a.k.a. the strangest year of them all. I’m shaking just thinking back to that wild year.
This Slytherin jack-o’-lantern really isn’t as bad as it seems. I’m a Slytherin and we don’t all turn out like Voldemort. Slytherins are ambitious, clever, and strong leaders.
It’s not out fault a lot of the bad guys who terrorize the muggle world happen to have some of those qualities too.