Just when you think you’ve escaped your family by moving out, someone had to come along and invent the group chat. Gone are the days of only dreading holiday dinners. Now with the family group chat, you have to be on your toes 24/7.
You never know when your parents or siblings are going to take to the group chat to send an embarrassing photo or roast you. These family group chats are proof that everything was way easier when you could just ignore your mother’s calls until you saw her at Thanksgiving.
For Every Dad Who Refuses To Update Their iOS
When it comes to using technology, there are two types of dads in the world. One half consists of the dads who wear tapered Adidas track pants and wait in line for the newest iPhone.
The other half consists of dads who still own the iPhone 4S, take selfies at the lowest angle possible, and don’t know how to turn on autocorrect. It’s clear which one this dad is.
If Andrew Knows, Everyone Needs To Know
This is the type of mentality you need to have going into the family group chat. If one person knows a scarring piece of information, then they’re bringing everyone else down with them.
It’s the only way to be sure that Thanksgiving is equally awkward for everyone.
Doug Didn’t Deserve That Kind Of Shade
What did Doug do to deserve a call out of this magnitude? They were minding their own business, enjoying the fun facts, when Mariah suddenly decides to call out their drinking problem.
Don’t worry, Doug, we’ve all been there. Doug will probably respond with a witty GIF, but secretly go cry themselves to sleep.
Moms are the best at making you feel guilty, and the mom coming up proves how much worse it is now that they have technology on their side.
Jesus Was So Much Cuter Than I Remember
The only reason these Titas are all so excited about Obi-Wan Kenobi Jesus is that they think he’s handsome. It’s not their fault that in most of the photos they see of Jesus, he looks pretty…stressed…up on that cross.
Finally, we get to see Jesus in a relaxed state, and he’s pretty hunky.
If Gabe’s Got A Vape Mod, He’s Probably Not Getting Much Action Anyways
Family group chats are a treasure trove of multiple levels of shade. First, mom criticizes Gabe for the most awkward thing possible.
Then, Bubba jumps in with all the sass and implies that not only is Gabe not getting any, but Momma might be on a bit of a cold streak herself. Bubba wins this round.
Now That Your Photo Is On The Table, You HAVE To Be Home For Dinner
Moms might come off as sweet and innocent, but this photo to the group chat is just part one of this mother’s evil plan. By casually sending a photo with every family member’s table spot laid out, she’s implying that they need to be there for every dinner.
This picture will definitely be used in the future to guilt the heck out of everyone.
The next few dads prove why they should be the only ones not allowed in the group chat.
Godspeed To Bill Now That His Wife And Girlfriend Are In The Same Chat
This dad is being dramatic, yes, but let’s stop and talk about the fact he mentioned his children, his girlfriend, and his WIFE. Unless this is the weirdo from “Sister Wives,” he has some explaining to do.
Bill is in more danger from his family than this root canal.
Glad To See Dad’s Sarcasm Is Still Obvious Over Text
Anyone who is very sarcastic knows that it isn’t easy to convey sarcasm through text. Unless you do it eloquently, it can just come off like you’re mega rude.
This dad obviously has been practicing his sarcasm skills for years, so it transferred seamlessly to text. We’re actually pretty impressed.
It’s A Metaphor For Their Family
Any band that adds “Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah” twelve times into a song is usually an instant hit amongst dads. It’s even better that this dad chose one of the most hated bands by millennials.
Next thing you know he’ll be buying front row tickets for the family to go to an Avril Lavigne concert.
Continue on to see definitive proof why teenage boys are the most dramatic members of the group chat.
We Haven’t Had 70+ Years To Find A Good Team, Grandma
Look, grandma. We get that you’re still holding on tight to your hopes and dreams that the Detroit Lions will one day make it to the Super Bowl, but you don’t need to take out your frustration on everyone else.
At least the Jets have one Super Bowl win under their belt, even if it was before most of us were born.
All Family Group Chats Should Just Be Pet Appreciation Chats
I’d like to formally start a petition to turn every family group chat into a pet appreciation chat. Family chats are just a place to bring the normal drama that only happens once a year into your everyday life.
Let’s scrap the negativity and only use group chats to praise our pets.
There’s No One In The World More Dramatic Than A Hungry Teenage Boy
The time and effort that it took Cael to take this photo, blur out certain parts, then write the long paragraph is seriously impressive. Everyone says teenage girls are drama queens, but anyone who has spent five minutes with a hungry teenage boy knows the truth.
They act like they’re turning to skin and bones if they don’t eat a full pizza for every meal.
The text from mom and dad coming up leaves us with more questions than answers.
For The First Time In History, The Group Chat Actually Solved A Problem
It’s nice to see the family group chat doing something good for once, but who would steal a mini Kit Kat and not eat it immediately? This person would have had to steal the chocolate in the morning, but they wouldn’t have been confronted until lunch.
Only a psychopath would be able to wait on a mini Kit Kat for hours without eating it.
Isabella Doesn’t Even Deserve To Be In This Group Chat
You know what Isabella? If you’re going to be negative like that, you don’t deserve to be in the family group chat. This dog and its elegant tail is more important than anything you could possibly be learning in class.
In fact, if you want to be removed from the chat just remove yourself from Christmas dinner while you’re at it.
Should We Be Scared?
Parents love to drop photos or texts into the group chat without any explanation. Let the fun begin where? Why does it look like you’re in a sketchy hotel room?
If you were going to pose for a photo with props, why are you crouching in a box? The rest of the family needs answers.
Sounds Like Mom Is A Little Jealous
Let’s look past this obvious parental rivalry and note that whatever child took a screenshot of their family group chat has different photos of Michael Scott from The Office for their parent’s pictures.
Dad has serious Michael Scott, but mom has cringing Michael Scott. We can only imagine what this says about their family dynamics.
She Looks… Faaabbulousss
When you’re old and retired, there’s not much to do to fill your days. If that means you have to dress up your dog in a wig with bows to pass the time, then so be it.
This mom was just trying to bide time, but she ended up blessing all of us with these photos.
Mom Is Playing The Long Game
Whatever mom is dropping hints for dinner rather than outright telling the family has mastered the art of the group chat. I want to know what these cryptic hints are.
Is she sending an anagram of the food name? Maybe a photo of the ingredients but not the finished product?
The Problems With Adding Your Extended Family To The Chat
Family group chats, in general, are a delicate matter. Where is the cut off period? Do you only add immediate family, or do you extend it out to cousins, aunts, great-grandmothers that still live in Japan and don’t have an English keyboard on their phone?
It’s best to have multiple family group chats for different scenarios.
Move It To The Private Chat Guys
You know this chat is from the United Kingdom because they end every single text with two kisses. We’re not sure if the U.K. is a little more open with their naughty jokes, but these parents need to keep it to themselves.
No one needs to think about mom mentally measuring her husband’s junk.